Finding Love After 50

Monica described two widowed people in their 80s who married after knowing each other for more than 65 years.In Monica’s story, the widower called old friends to let them know of his wife’s passing.

One friend was a widow of five years. She and her husband had been close friends of the widower and his wife. The four of them had lived together when they were between jobs and in school. The widower visited the widow, who lived by car seven hours away. Within months, he put his house on the market and moved in with her. They added an addition to her home, including a second master bedroom, to accommodate his belongings and privacy.

They married and traveled internationally together.But the man started having heart problems and now three years later, Monica says, “The widow appears to be wondering what she got herself into. Things are no longer paradise for this over-80 couple.”

Suzy, living in California, warned about getting in touch with old sweethearts: “I did and got badly burned. I kept thinking of him as he WAS…never saw what he IS today. “I was financially depleted after my ‘love’ seemed to need everything--clothes, furniture, insurance--and so on. I was so in love with the memory, I didn’t see the real thing. Don’t let yesteryear fog your vision.”

Note from Tom: Older singles should be leery of becoming involved with people who can't take care of themselves financially. People you date don't need to be rich, but if you're constantly going to have to be the bank, watch yourstep.

Judy, also in Calif., was engaged to a Navy man when she was 17, but didn’t marry him.
Forty-one years later, she was working on her family’s genealogy and was curious about him: “Found him on the internet in Louisiana,” Judy e-mailed. Her Cajun Navy man moved to California to be with her. They married on board the Newport Princess boat in Newport Beach. “Love is better the second time around,” Judy said.

The person who moves seems to sacrifice more. Judy said he misses the fishing in Louisiana and getting his legal affairs in order in California has been “a nightmare.”

Gary went to his 25th high school reunion and met his old girlfriend there. He kissed her in the same room of the same house where he had kissed her 25 years before. They are now happily married. Hooking up with an old flame can work but as Suzy says, “Don’t let yesteryear fog your vision.”

And, I might add, don’t let loneliness cloud your decision-making. A short-term fix might turn into a long-term disaster. As in most relationships, after the romance and passion wear off, the true challenges of making a relationship work must be faced.

When inevitable bumps in the road come along, particularly with older people who have health issues, because you’ve known somebody for 60 years doesn’t mean he or she will respond the way you hoped or thought he would. As Suzy suggested, view the person for what he or she is in the present, which will not be how he was 60 years ago.